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We are asked to do this almost all the time – for every person who wrongs us, who hurts us, whether directly or indirectly – we are asked to forgive them.  Sometimes we are expected to forgive even without an apology.  As Christians we are supposed to forgive repeatedly, unconditionally…and sometimes some people think, infinitely.  Yet to ask someone, a mere human, to forgive infinitely is asking someone to do the impossible.

Do I believe in forgiveness?  Sure, of course.  I believe in second chances.  I don’t believe, however, in third chances, fourth chances, fifth chances and so forth of the same mistake.  Yes it does take time for people to change, especially if it comes to something that it is more inherent or in the way that they were raised (let’s face it, some parents are an epic failure in this regard.  As nice as they are people, they suck terrifically as parents).  But, I don’t believe in repeated mistakes and more so, excuses.  Anyone who cops out an excuse with every argument is someone who has too much pride and is not willing to admit their mistakes or their flaws.  Nobody likes to be criticized or have their shortcomings pointed up, but it takes a real man/woman to admit it.

Another reason why forgiveness isn’t eternal is the fact that with every repeated mistake of the same thing comes a loss of trust.  Basically speaking, you feel lied to.  Why?  Because they said they wouldn’t do it again, or they said that they would try (well if they did, then the mistake shouldn’t be happening as often as it does right?  Otherwise it would mean that there’s no improvement which would mean that they lied about trying!)

Someone said to me recently that as a Christian, we should forever forgive a person all the time if that person is willing to change each and every time something happens (as in a repeated mistake).  My response: I asked if this person was crazy.  There are too many people out there who take advantage of this “Christian forever forgiveness”.  They get it into their heads that they will ALWAYS be forgiven and so they stop trying, or they think that they will get another chance so they won’t even bother to change.  Forget about the actual change, they won’t even stop to think about their actions and why they did the thing they did and how detrimental it can be to the relationships they have.  In a sense, forever forgiveness keeps them in a state of forever sin.  They continue to do wrong (sin), they do not try to be better Christians if they are Christians (sin), they continue to hurt their “neighbor” or loved one (sin).  So is forgiveness, in this sense, a good thing?  Doesn’t look like it to me…

Does that mean that we shouldn’t forgive?  No.  We have to forgive – as Christians, as just to get rid of that hate in our hearts.  If I didn’t forgive the drivers that cut me off, cause me to swerve, and almost kill me on the roadways traveling to work, I’d probably be booked for probably-harm charges.  But to promote forever forgiveness doesn’t help people get better, it only promotes their already hurtful behavior.

Think about it the next time you say you’re sorry — are you really sorry?  Or is this just something that automatically comes out of your mouth because you know that you will get an automatic forgiveness?  If so, ask yourself if you would respect you for doing that, for abusing the fact that someone is trusting you to get better, to not hurt them again or disappoint them again.  Are you looking for the easy way out?  Because almost everybody looks for the easy way out, the forever forgiveness hall pass.  But that just makes you just as everybody else.  And if that is the case, and everybody else is sub-par, then that makes you sub-par too.

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